


Tangled Lives

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: AU, Alternate Universes, Angst, Episode Related: sentineltoo, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 03:57:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate interpretation for Sentinel Too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tangled Lives

**Author's Note:**

> Notes and credits: Lyrics are from The Rose, sung by Bette Midler, words by Amanda McBroom. Story inspiration is from Katherine Kerr's Deverry series (must-reading if you're looking for generations worth of angst). I end up mixing up my religions by the end of this story, but please, do forgive me. 

## Tangled Lives

by Yolanda

* * *

Tangled Lives 

/"It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance."/ 

They met many lives ago. Young they were, and as foolish then as now. He saw it all in a single heartbeat, the cycles of their lives together, the rhythms and cycles of behaviour that they had repeated in all their times together. 

One heartbeat was all they shared, once, and then again. And would have in this life, if he'd been a little less afraid, if Jim had been a little less wary. 

From this distance he could see the beginnings of their tangled wyrd. They'd been soldiers together, on some battlefield or another. War had brought them together; war and conflict continued to link their souls on the same path. 

/"It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance."/ 

Jim had been named Thomas then, and was his commanding officer. He'd been a young soldier, bright and eager to defend his land. Thomas had recognized his potential and taken him on as an aide. Friendship and companionship had taken a while to build, but trust, and then love, had followed not long afterwards. 

He'd not been unwilling, but he knew that Thomas was unbending in his morality. What he most deeply wanted from Thomas was against the will of God, and against the laws of man. He'd not wanted to trespass on their ever-deepening friendship, and had kept his desires private all their lives together. 

And they had remained together. They'd survived the first battle, then the next, and all the ones up to the final battle. After the fighting was over and the rightful sovereign put on the throne, Thomas had taken him into his home, as an assistant, and then as a companion. It was a sweet irony that despite all the violence they had seen together, he would see Thomas die in his own bed, of age, and not of violence. 

He'd held his friend's hand tightly in his own, willing himself not to cry, not to betray the years of unfulfilled desire and despair. Willing himself to let Thomas go in peace, never knowing the hurt he had caused. 

And Thomas had looked into his eyes and asked for his forgiveness. Had told him that he had desired him all his life, and had never been brave enough to act on that dishonourable thought. Had asked, eyes bright with unshed tears, for a kiss to take him into the long night. 

That was the life which had bound their souls up in each other. They'd loved each other deeply, and given each other comfort and joy, in sickness and in health. But until the end, they'd been blind to each other's true needs, lost in their own nobility and sacrifice for the other's peace of mind. 

* * *

/"It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give."/ 

And in this life, they'd found each other again, only to lose each other in this awful endless moment. He could see Jim fighting against Simon's arms, could see how he held back his tears, building his walls higher and thicker against everyone who loved him. 

That had been the problem with this life. Their love for each other had built their wyrd, but somehow, in all their lives together, they'd never been able to express it properly to each other. 

They'd come closest in this life, in this age of open lifestyles and deeper understanding of human sexuality. At least they'd been able to joke about it this time around. And at least they'd shared one kiss before Jim had turned away. 

He'd been watching Jim and Megan fight in the rented house, and frustrated with the tension, had gone over to visit with the neighbour. When he got back to the house, Jim had been quiet. It hadn't been their usual easy companionship, but an odd silence which had seemed full of suppressed thoughts and words. 

A week later, he'd forgotten the strange silence, caught up in the deadline his committee had imposed on him for his first chapter. It was almost finished, and there was chaos at the station. Jim had read the chapter, then angrily confronted him. He'd apologized later and when they'd gotten home to the loft, Blair tried to continue their conversation, trying to pick up and mend their tattered friendship. 

Jim had turned away from him and he'd put his hand on the bigger man's shoulder, trying to stop him from moving away. Jim had turned back to him, eyes blazing with some secret need. Blair hadn't expected it, hadn't allowed himself to even hope for it, but had found it in himself to meet it, to lean up into Jim's body, to put every bit of desire and hope into the meeting of their lips. And then Jim had turned away again, and refused to speak of it. 

That kiss was more than they'd had in their previous lives together. Sentinel and Guide they were in this life, but in the end, they were only human. 

* * *

/"And the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live."/ 

He turned, and saw the light. He'd thought it was a clich, but it was real after all. And then there was standing someone in the light. He recognized Gabe, then noticed the black animal at his side. 

"I guess I won't ask what you're doing here. You've come to take me away, right?" 

"We have come to give you a choice." The angel was oddly formal. "You may come with us, or you may choose to remain here, in this life." 

"I get to choose? How did that happen?" 

"A little matter of a miracle at which you assisted, and the fact that should you stay here, your wyrd will likely sort itself out and you will continue to do good in the world." 

He didn't need to see Jim, still blinking back his tears and facing a lifetime of loneliness, to make his decision. 

* * *

/"When the night has been too lonely,   
and the road has been too long,  
And you think that love is only   
for the lucky and the strong,  
Just remember in the winter,   
far beneath the bitter snows,  
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love,   
in the spring, becomes the rose."/ 

End 


End file.
